Dear EJ

8th Grade was a big year in my social life. It was the year I met my good, close, people-think-we're-lesbian type friend: EJ. We had lockers across the hall from each other and hit it off straight away.

We had tech class together first period. This was one of those filler classes where you literally have no idea as to why the school is making you take it. It was the type of class where we built solar cars, and spent time building virtual bridges, and creating and destroying an entire metropolis on Sim City. Of course, EJ and I never actually did any of the work.

Instead of building the solar car, we spent 3 weeks of class time we were given to build the car, and messed with hot glue and super glued pennies around the room only to laugh at the people who tried to pick them up.

I have to admit, we went a little crazy with the super glue when we decided it was a good idea to glue my foot to the floor.

Because we didn't do any real work, when it came time to race our solar car, we lost.

The Bridge project was a little different. The requirement was to make 4 adequate bridges on the computer program. But we couldn't do that. Feeling bad about producing almost nothing for our last project, we used every fiber of energy we had to create a bomb-ass bridge that would have survived an Apocalypse if need be. The freaking hulk wouldn't have been able to budge that thing.

We were the shit.

But that bridge was as far as our efforts went towards building our 4 bridges.

And as far as the Sim City project went, There really was no way our teacher could grade us on how well we played a video game that you can't. even. fucking. win. I still am at a loss as to why they had us play Sim City. But either way, it was a stupid requirement with bullshit easy grades.

So naturally we used the cheat codes to turn the virtual city's committee into a board of llamas and then just laugh about it for 2 weeks of class time.

That class was a waste of my 8th grade time. But it was a bonding experience for me and EJ after surviving hot glue fumes, the creation of the most durable virtual bridge in existence, and a board of llamas. A friendship was born.

To this very day we are still often mistaken for lesbian couple of the year.

Love you EJ.

Sincerely,

That fake ginger that's mistaken for a lesbian

Dear College Applications,

Whoever invented college apps had something against students. I swear. This person had it out for us.  In retrospect, we are begging these people to take $50,000+ a year from our parents bank accounts.

Not only do we have to write an essay that is supposed to separate us from the other tens of thousands of kids applying there, we have about a hundred other unnecessary hoops to jump through to attend their school. We have to write the essay, send in our transcripts, take the SATs which is a THREE HOUR LONG STANDARDIZED TEST, and for me and my fellow prospective art school students, PORTFOLIO. Which is 10-20 pieces of your artwork. I'm going a little insane to say the least.

Not to mention that most of this work is done on the computer. Which is the biggest distraction of your entire life.

I don't even know where this angsty story is going anymore. The entire process just seems ridiculous to me. But that may just be because I'm in the middle of it and it's going to drive me off the edge of a cliff. So,college applications, would it kill you to be a little more respectful of my mental well being? thanks.

Sincerely,

That really angsty ginger

PS-

I can't touch my toes

Dear Lil Wayne,

Something that comes up a lot these days is the saying "long hair don't care." But apparently it's not just a saying, it's a doctrine. A freaking way of life. But does that mean that if you have short hair, that you do care? If so, Bald people need to calm down.

Come to think of it, it's all starting to make sense. There were always those kids in class who you were saddled with for a group project, or you had to go against them in a debate and they just gave one too many shits. They always seemed to have that creepy slicked back hair and a weird sweater vest and got stuck with a name like Irving. 

And there were the ones in the class who, ya know, cared a little less. 

Always the flow-bros. Always.

So in short Lil Wayne, I would like to say thank you for gracing me with the knowledge to decipher who cares and who doesn't. It's people like you that really know a lot about the world, making correlations like these. Thank you Mr. Wayne. Much appreciated.

Sincerely,

That Ginger

PS-